01.04.12
Posted in ALL, Election 2012, Government, Mitt Romney, Religion, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Satire
at 12:06 pm
Iowa Republicans came together last night in schools, courthouses, and cornfields to decide which brand of crazy they will put up against President Obama in November. And the results were crazy-close.
The G.O.P.’s pro-corporate crazy candidate beat out its Christian-right crazy candidate by a mere eight votes, representing the highest level of indecision by Iowa Republicans to date between religious interference and corporate control.
Yet anti-government crazy finished a respectable third, reflecting the desire by many in the G.O.P. to return to a more utopian time before oppressive regulations discouraged companies from spilling oil into waterways and denying lunch-counter service to black people.
“… representing the highest level of indecision by Iowa Republicans to date between religious interference and corporate control.”
The race moves to New Hampshire next where anti-government crazy has traditionally performed well, but corporate-subservience crazy may yet win the day. Religious-right crazy is not expected to finish strong in the Granite State, but is likely to rebound in South Carolina, when religious zealotry, corporate domination, and anti-government extremism will compete once again for the hearts of Republican voters.
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12.16.11
Posted in ALL, Election 2012, Government, Newt Gingrich, Religion, Satire, The Supreme Court
at 4:40 pm
In last night’s G.O.P. debate, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich renewed his promise that as president, he would eliminate judges that He (Newt) decides have gone beyond the Constitution, citing the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals decision several years back that the line “Under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance violated the Constitution’s establishment clause.
That decision, to Gingrich, was radically un-American. Putting aside for a second the radical ignorance of the concept of separation of powers which his opinion betrays, the idea that the words “Under God” are central to the nation’s founding principles is ridiculous. There is no mention of God in the constitution (zip; zero — search for it). The first insertion of the phrase “Under God” didn’t occur until 1948, and was not officially incorporated into the pledge until 1954 (178 years after the nation’s founding), a symbolic and political move borne out of fear at the height of anti-Communist hysteria.
All of which is irrelevant anyway. A president firing a judge for a decision he disagrees with would be an egregious violation of separation of powers which — unlike that two-word amendment to the pledge — is a founding, American principle.
It all makes you wonder, if Newt is prone to dramatic, dictatorial decisions based on personal political whims, what other executive fiats would a President Gingrich unleash?
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12.10.11
Posted in ALL, Barack Obama, Election 2012, Government, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Satire
at 11:30 am
Political Relief came across the following job bulletin on a prominent employment listings website:
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G.O.P. Job Listings Bulletin
RE: Update to Job Opening # 388175: Republican Presidential Nominee
Status: __ Open __ Filled x Suspended
The Human Resources department of the Republican party regrets to inform interested applicants that the position of Republican Presidential Nominee has been suspended indefinitely, due to lack of a qualified candidate.
We expected to find several acceptable applicants for this vacancy, one of whom might eventually enter the history books alongside Abraham Lincoln and Gerald Ford. An HR consultant assured us we would have dozens of polished resumes to choose from, given the unemployment rate and the large number of college graduates desperate for work. She was mistaken.
For starters, the resumes we received indicated most applicants were not a good fit for this job. The Skills sections all failed to contain anything related to foreign policy or even communications. In the “Languages” section, no applicant listed more than one – “English” (or “American,” as some wrote) – and most of them admitted their proficiency level was “Beginner.”
“We are surprised we were unable to find a qualified applicant in a nation of 300 million with an unemployment rate near 10%.”
The “Education” sections were equally problematic. While “Business School” looks good, many candidates’ weaknesses in subjects like Public Policy, Civics, and American History was troubling, given they would be running for President of America.
Furthermore, from a PR standpoint, the resumes of our highest profile applicants are hurting the G.O.P. brand. Two of them, who continue to phone our HR office almost daily to check on their applications, include a leveraged buyout tycoon who made much of his fortune by laying off workers and a former House Speaker who is both an unregistered lobbyist and a serial adulterer.
Yet another applicant was a restaurant industry executive whose knowledge of law consisted of solely of settling sexual harassment claims.
We are surprised we were unable to find a qualified applicant in a nation of 300 million with an unemployment rate near 10%. We have posted the job opening in newspapers in Bangalore hoping to interest Indian workers in the position, but we are not holding our breath.
Fortunately, the sitting president has pursued an agenda on civil liberties and the environment similar to that of recent Republican presidents, so hiring a nominee to challenge him in this election is not an urgent priority.
We do apologize to those who took the time to send us a resume and cover letter. (Many of you used very nice resume paper.) Be advised that we may re-activate this job opening at some point in the future, if G.O.P. voters become willing to consider a presidential nominee who can claim both morals and an IQ which is not medically concerning.
Until then, thank you for your interest.
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11.28.11
Posted in ALL, Barack Obama, Election 2012, Media, Mitt Romney
at 10:49 am
Mitt Romney’s first TV ad aimed at Obama cannot be spun as mere spin. It’s a lie, by any definition of the word. It contains footage of a speech President Obama gave in the 2008 election, but Romney’s team edited it so that Obama appears to be speaking for himself when in fact he was quoting someone else. Romney’s strategists surely knew they would be called on this, but they ran the ad anyway.
Whaa? Why would they run an ad knowing that the media would find the raw footage and then call Romney a liar? Because they know the mainstream media would never call Romney (or any other establishment candidate) a liar, even if it’s undeniable. What’s more, as the Washington Post article I linked to above points out, while the media have called Romney out for running an ad “out of context,” they’ve been running Romney’s ad over and over, for free.
Romney’s team were well aware that in today’s corporate media landscape, their lie would echo much louder than the dull corrections of fact.
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