“Life begins at conception.”
It’s not just a slogan. It’s also a bumper sticker.
And now, the state of Mississippi is considering an amendment to change the definition of “person” to include a fertilized egg. By using the constitution to transform blastocysts into people, lawmakers could achieve in an instant what gestating women used to drag out for months.
Across the country, state governments are suddenly seeing the potential to use their own legal codes to push aggressive social agendas. “Mississippi has shown that we don’t always have to allow reality to influence what happens on the ground,” one Texas lawmaker reflected. “We’re now aggressively seeking new opportunities to use the law to dictate reality.”
Here’s a roundup of amendments and ballot initiatives currently on the table in other U.S. states.
God Bless the U.S.A. (Tennessee) Would formally require God, as defined in the King James bible, to lay blessings upon the North American continent (excluding Canada and Mexico), including acreage in the Pacific wrested from the natives of the Hawaiian islands. The frequency of blessings would remain at the Lord’s discretion.
Meat is Murder (Washington) Would designate the consumption, preparation, enjoyment, discussion, and presence of meat as a new class of homicide. Would classify as murder not only the meat of livestock but also any fertilized barnyard embryos which may or may not one day become meat.
Global Warming is a Hoax (Wyoming) Would redesignate all scientific research suggesting the climate may be warming as “elaborate-stunt” research. Would require any climate scientist setting foot in Wyoming to admit their life’s work and paltry scientist salaries are all in the service of a long-running, climate-based gag, and to finally explain why they would waste such time and effort just to get people to change to better lightbulbs.
Life Begins at Copulation (Florida) Would take Mississippi’s designation of life beginning at conception and push it further forward, legislating that for all legal and medical purposes, the act of sex, which only occurs between a man and a woman, constitutes birth. It further defines life as beginning the moment a necktie is loosened or a petticoat is first espied.
Life Begins at Inebriation (Louisiana) Would take Florida’s designation of life beginning at copulation and push it even further forward. Recognizing drinking as a common precedent to sex, the amendment would require the state to increase its population count by one person when the soon-to-be parent’s blood alcohol content meets or exceeds .08. If it is during Mardi Gras and the woman’s breasts are exposed, the state may also declare her unfit as a parent at that time.
Note: We intentionally omitted Minnesota’s failed referendum, “Life Begins at Masturbation.” It bitterly divided the state’s citizens last month, the measure’s backers believing it was a bold move to protect the lives of unborn children, University of Minnesota scientists insisting masturbation rarely causes pregnancy, and the Church denying masturbation’s existence.